Into the Woods: A Slayers Parody
by Aleesh87
Summary: okay so if you watched Buffy, this is a parody with the season 5 episode 10 episode 'into the woods' where spike and riley fight over buffy... only with gourry and xellos fighing over lina. its meant to make light of the 'ship wars' in Slayers! enjoy :


Xellos was sitting in the teahouse, sipping from his tea cup and minding his own business when the tall, handsome blond stormed. "My my, Mister Gourry, what took you so long? It takes awhile to get to full strength after a good fight, no?" Xellos smiled, setting down his cup.

Not being one for words, Gourry grabbed him by the collar, shoving him against the wall and causing everyone else in the teahouse to stop what they were doing and stare in bewilderment.

"Now, now, let's be reasonable about this!" Xellos said, still smiling, while waggling a finger at the swordsman. In reply, Gourry shoved him harder against the wall.

"You may have noticed, Xellos…" he paused to punch the mazoku in the face, "I left reasonable three towns back."

"How uncharacteristic of you, Mister Gourry! But I'm afraid your anger is misplaced, I'm not the one who got you into this, don't kill the messenger." For a brief second Xellos opened his left eye, giving an almost menacing wink to his 'opponent.'

"Why the Hell not?" Gourry scowled, and with one arm still pinning Xellos to the wall, unsheathed his Blast Sword, tearing into the mazoku's chest with it. He almost smiled as he watched Xellos wince, then stare down at his still intact body, for a second looking genuinely confused. "It's a replica of the Blast Sword, looks real doesn't it?" he asked, slightly loosening his grip on Xellos. "Don't think I don't know what's going on with you, Xellos…" he trailed off as Xellos opened both eyes in a death glare, the two of them not breaking eye contact for what seemed like an eternity before Gourry let him go, patting him on the cheek "Stay away from her, or we'll do this for real next time." Gourry started walking away, and could almost hear the patrons of the teahouse's hearts start beating as they let go of the breath they were holding.

And then, Xellos started laughing. "Oh, Mister Gourry, you're really under it aren't you?" he almost buckled over as he watched Gourry coldly turn around "Look at you, are you afraid I'm hot for Lina?" Xellos almost folded in half under his undying laughter and the satisfying hate he was bringing.

"Because you are." Gourry didn't ask, as he strode towards Xellos. The room again held its breath and stared.

"Well, yeah, but that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture you're never going to be able to hold onto her." Xellos sighed as nonchalantly as possible, causing Gourry to grab his arm and twist it, making Xellos gasp in surprise.

"Maybe I didn't almost kill you enough." Gourry hissed

"Come on, you're not the long haul guy and you know it!" Xellos hissed back at him, his hot breath stinging Gourry's face

"Shut up." Gourry grunted back, twisting Xellos's arm further

"You know it, or else you wouldn't be here trying to scare a mazoku." Xellos opened his eyes and smiled, causing Gourry to turn away. After a brief second of fighting over his bravado, Gourry let go of the mazoku. The room sucked in a breath in unison and kept staring. Xellos almost looked apologetic at the poor blond swordsman, but continued "the girl needs some monster in her man, and that's not in your nature" he gasped, before returning to his seat with his teacup poised, as if nothing ever happened "no matter how low you try to go…" he smirked, offering Gourry a seat at the table.

Gourry shook his head but sat down anyway. "You actually think you got a shot with her?" he almost sneered

Xellos continued to smile his closed eyed smile and handed Gourry a pint of lager, which to his surprise Gourry took and sipped on while listening. "No, I don't, but a mazoku's gotta try though. Has to do what he can."

"If you touched her…" Gourry set the pint down to look Xellos in the face, "you know I'd kill you for real."

Xellos opened his eyes and smiled "and if I had the prerogative, you know I'd kill you long ago. Ain't life grand?" he all but sneered as he took a sip of tea from his cup, and watched as Gourry took a long sip from his pint before continuing. "But, Mister Gourry, sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me" he watched as Gourry raised an eyebrow at him, and quickly added "but most of the time I think I got the better deal," and smiled as Gourry straightened his back in hostility. "To be that close to her and not have her, to be all alone even when you're holding her, feeling her…" Xellos smirked with one eye open as he tapped his temple "feeling her beneath you, surrounding you. The scent…" he trailed off, looking at Gourry as Gourry was staring at the table, or something else far off "no, you got the better deal." he conceded, and watched as Gourry took a swig from his pint, still not able to look the mazoku in the eye, or anywhere in the general vicinity.

"I'm the lucky guy" Gourry finally nodded, albeit sarcastically, still avoiding Xellos's gaze, "yeah…" he half smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm the guy."

Xellos smirked up at Gourry, eyes still open, as Gourry finished his pint. "Well, Mister Gourry, you better get to Miss Lina. I'm sure she's worried sick." Xellos then closed his eyes, pouring himself more tea.

"Right…" he trailed off, standing up. "But really, next time, we do this for keeps." Gourry clenched his jaw as he stomped out of the teahouse, not caring about who was watching him leave.


End file.
